Being A Good Friend {What Does It Mean?}

luanne's pix (black and white

Three best girlfriends – just happy to be together!

I’ve been very lucky in my adult life that I’ve had two best girlfriends that have been by my side in every experience – be it crazy fun or crazy terrible.  Two of us have been best friends for over 30 years.  You hear that saying – “three is a crowd” – but in our friendship it has never once been that way.  Sometimes the three of us are together, sometimes it will only be two of us and although the one that doesn’t get to be there voices her “insane jealousy” it really isn’t like that!

.

IMG_4895.

Together at the famous Puckett’s restaurant in Franklin, TN

We live thousands of miles away from each other.  I’m in Tennessee,  Luanne is in Nebraska, Michelle is in Arizona.  Sometimes the logistics of the three of us getting together are impossible.

.

 IMG_8348-001

.

Michelle came to visit me at the farm last week.  My husband was out of town on a consulting job so we got to help my son-in-law with farm chores.

.

IMG_8342-001

.

After a lovely week of  just being together I’ve been thinking a lot about what it takes to have, and to be, a close girlfriend.  Here are a few of my thoughts.

.

 IMG_8355-001

Michelle and I speed walking the farm roads

It takes work.  You don’t just automatically have a best friend that sticks around through thick and thin.  Luanne and I have said many, many times that Michelle makes the best friend because she never stops calling us when we are too busy to reciprocate!

.

 IMG_2530-001

Luanne and I in Nebraska

Make time for each other!  Sometimes being a good friend means setting aside the demands of our family, husbands, and hectic lives to make time to get together.  We three girls have had a number of girlfriend trips and even with good planning the timing for everyone involved is never perfect.  Go anyway!

.

 P9060153

Michelle and I boating in Utah

You don’t have to live near each other.  You can have thousands of miles between you and still be the closest of friends.  However, I’m sure thankful for cell phones and unlimited minutes as I have vivid memories of the old days with horrendous phone bills!

.

 021-001The three of us together – travel trailer glamping!

Be loyal, be honest, be real, be open.  We three girls do not always agree. But I will say we’ve never argued.  We are just open and receptive to each other’s opinions about things. And we have some of the deepest discussions because we don’t always have the same feelings!  Thinking alike is not a requirement in being best friends!

.

P1010062 At Luanne’s son’s wedding (I was bald under that red bob of a wig!)

Be prepared to share in the tears… as well as the joy!  My girlfriends went through a cancer diagnosis and treatment with me.  We’ve been through the heartaches of life together.  And the happiest of times.  Michelle has been with Luanne in the birth of a baby.  We’ve been with each other at the weddings of our children.  A vivid memory is when Michelle told me she was expecting her second child… many, many years after giving up.  She told me in a store for goodness sake, and I think I screamed, then laughed, then bawled, then laughed again.  With an aisle full of people looking on at the crazy ladies!  Never be afraid to be yourself.

..

photo-3 copy 4

Hailey came along on this trip with her Mom and I wanted to keep her!

Be like a mother to each other’s children.  My daughter lived with Michelle and her family for 2 years when she moved away to go to college.  Michelle treated her just like she was her daughter.  Luanne’s son has been the very best friend of my son; those boys have practically been interchangeable to us.   Michelle has a daughter, Hailey, who is 11.  Hailey is the miracle child that came along when Michelle and her husband’s only other child was 17 years old, so from the time Hailey was born she’s been a big part of our friendship.  When she was just 3 years old she would say, “Girls, wait for me”!!!  I feel such a bond with little Hailey that I think she could be mine.

LuanneLate at night after my daughter’s wedding, where in front of a crowd full of people, Luanne and I made huge fools of ourselves as we said our vows of a forever friendship!   

Don’t be afraid to laugh loud and full… even when a room full of people think you are crazy!  I think Luanne and I have laughed at the most inopportune times, at the most important and serious things… that somehow we found deliriously funny!

.

IMG_2566-001

Luanne and I learning to knit!

You don’t have to have common interests.  Luanne and I love a lot of the same crafty things, but Michelle and I probably have more in common in other ways.  I have discovered that none of that matters.  It’s a much deeper bond that glues us together.

.

IMG_9327-001

Michelle’s girls – Hailey and Ashley,  my daughter and daughter-in-law – Andrea and Ciara, and my two grand-babies – Jillian and Rosetta

It helps if your husbands and your children are friends too!  All three of us have been very lucky in that our husbands and children have been very good friends.  We’ve had many, many times together as families and now we have grand-children sharing in the memories too.

.

IMG_3774-002

Michelle and her daughter and son-in-law celebrating the miracle of adoption

Rejoice in life’s beautiful miracles together.  When Michelle’s daughter and her husband adopted a precious little boy, I was able to be with them on the day his adoption was finalized.  It was a day that will forever rate as one of my most precious memories of our time together.  It was an honor to be included.  

..

I realize now that I am in my fifties and looking back over my adult life, that I have been very, very lucky to have had such amazing girlfriends.  Not everyone gets this lucky.

.

What is your best girlfriend memory?  Please share with all of us other girlfriends!

.

Until our gravel roads cross again…  so long.

.

Dori

 

Leave a comment 22 Comments

  1. Luanne Erickson says:

    Oh my! Dori, You have been one of my life’s greatest blessings. This is beautifully written, a lovely tribute to a amazing friendship. I laughed reading it..thankful again for all the laughter we’ve shared! I choked up too,.. remembering. Thanks a million thanks..big tight hugs to girlfriends everywhere. I love you

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Dear Lu, I was pretty sure you would choke up when you read between the lines of my blog post. I was choking up when I wrote them… and then laughing of course! :-) Love you hugely and miss you terribly. CANNOT WAIT FOR OCTOBER!!! Tight hugs – Dori –

  2. Joan says:

    What a great posting on the 1st day of Spring!!! Hope springs eternal – friendship springs eternal! Loved hearing about the girlfriendship! God bless.

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hello Joan, When I wrote that post I forgot that it was the first day of spring – I realized it right after! But I love what you said about friendship springing eternal. What a perfect picture of friendship. Thanks for writing – Dori –

  3. Marci D says:

    Thanks for posting. Looks like to had a fun visit. My three closest friends live in Pittsburg PA, St. Louis MO and Paris France. At one time they all lived close by. I miss that but you are right you don’t have to live close to stay close. I think I’ll go give one a call now. :)

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hello Marci, have you visited your girlfriend in Paris??? I think that would be the most awesome trip ever! Isn’t it wonderful in todays technology that it is so easy to keep in touch? I’m so thankful for that. Hugs – Dori –

  4. I too, have a very good friend, Anna. My father and her husband’s father grew up together, her husband and I grew up together and her son and my sons are the same age and they grew up and went to the same school. so we have been friends for 50 years. we have never had an argument and we looked after each others children. I really treasure her friendship and enjoy her company to this day. She wasn’t raised in the same town, but we became friends when she married her husband. Lucky Me. Juanita Farm sister #1020

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hello Juanita, WOW! I loved reading about your friendship… it just made me smile HUGE! You are lucky indeed. (And so is she.) Hugs – Dori –

  5. Michelle says:

    I love how you have put down in words the feelings of my heart! You’ve described our incredible friendship perfectly! I count my self blessed to have 2 best friends!

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hi Shell… I don’t need to say anything as my blog post said it all! But I love you hugely. – Dori –

  6. Becky West says:

    Oh wow, that is such a touching blog post. It also brought tears to my eyes because I do not have friends like that. My husband and I have moved a lot and now I am in my 50s and I hope it is not too late to find some friends to have forever.

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hello Becky, It is NEVER too late to establish a forever friendship. I think some of the those special friendships are established later in life. We are at the age where we recognize that every moment counts and we are willing to put effort into it. Reach out! Hugs, – Dori –

  7. Wayve says:

    What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing.

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hello Wayve, thank you for writing. Hugs – Dori –

      P.S. I’m SO anxious for strawberry season!!! Is all this rain a good thing for the strawberries???

  8. Karen(old cowgirl) Montoya says:

    Dori,
    It has been 60 years this year, since the 6th grade, when my first friend and I became inseparable. Then my friend that was from a rival school and that we played center net in volleyball against each other and became friends. Add to our happy family two new friends when we got into High School. We have all tried to keep in contact with each other though it seems like I am the center of our family wheel keeping every one informed about the others. Another of our friends (male) was instrumental in my learning how to ride bareback. He was a wonderful friend to all of us. He past in January he was very ill for a long time. I do so miss him.
    I have maneaged to keep all but one of my friends in Oregon. The one, my oldest friend lives in British Columbia Canada. Since my cell phone is not international I can not call her but we do e-mail each other though not as often as I would like. The others all live spread out in Oregon. I am blessed. Now I have a new friend in you.
    Hugs from this Farm/Ranch girl,
    Kay

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hello Kay, I hope you know that your last sentence just really touched my heart… “Now I have a new friend in you”. I’m smiling as I write this! I think one of the things I didn’t mention in my post is that true girlfriends don’t exclude others. Our hearts are big. Thank you for faithfully reading and commenting. I always look forward to hearing from you. – Dori –

  9. Great blog, Dori! Truer words were never spoken. My mama has always told me how having true, deep friendships with girlfriends is very important in life. I am lucky to say I have some really, really amazing friends, and am blessed to say there are a close few that I know I could call for anything, day or night. They are the ones that laughs come easy with, tears aren’t afraid to be shed in front of, and who know me so well it’s sometimes scary!

    Love the pictures…looks like y’all are some beautiful ladies, inside and out.

    Farmgirl Hugs,
    Nicole (Suburban Farmgirl)

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Hi Nicole, I think it is wonderful that your mother taught you the importance of true girlfriends. It’s something that my children and I also talked about so much as they were growing up. You described so well that thing of close friendship; especially the part of your friends knowing you so well it is scary!!! :-) Thanks for writing. Big hugs – Dori –

  10. Bonnie ellis says:

    You got it girl. That’s what friendship is all about. I am lucky to have two best friends too. Thanks for the post and the wonderful pictures.

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Bonnie,

      Thank you for writing and sharing. I think it’s neat you have two best friends also! We truly are lucky, aren’t we? – Dori –

  11. Jody says:

    Dori,

    First of all, I want to say I have followed you and your daughter for some time now and I just truly love both of your posts. Such serenity and peace with each post!! I keep wanting to start a blog, but just haven’t done it yet. :)

    What a beautiful post!!! Nearly brought me to tears. Good friends are truly priceless. I am a 22+ year cancer survivor (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma) and I lost my best friend to cancer about 10 years ago. She was the friend that we finished each other’s sentences and could tell what the other was thinking just by a look. :) We had numerous occassions where people would ask if we were sisters. After several times of explaining we were really good friends, Linda looked at me one day after receiving the “sister” question, smiled and said “yes, we are sisters”. From that moment on, when asked if we were sisters, we just smiled, gave each other that look and one of us would respond “yes, we are sisters”. To this day I can hear her voice and cry talking about her. I miss her tremendously but know she is with me every day! The beautiful thing is that I keep in touch with her sons periodically. She made me promise to keep an eye on them as they were not out of high school when she passed. God truly is amazing!!

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Dear Jody,

      I’m so happy you followed me here from my personal blog! It is a compliment indeed.

      I cried (literally) when I read about you losing your “sister” to cancer. I imagine there are so many times you wish you could pick up the phone and call her, but I totally understand when you said she is with you everyday. I love that you keep in touch with her sons – that is such a beautiful picture of friendship. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. – Dori –

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>