Grief… It's Hard

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Hello farmgirl friends!

This is a hard post for me to write, but somehow I think it will be a post that we can all relate to… and encourage each other in.


Ten days ago, I lost a very dear friend of mine to a tragic car accident.  Death is something that we are never prepared for; but when it comes so suddenly in a sobbing phone call from her daughter, Sarah, then it is almost impossible to grasp.  Today I’d like to tell you about my friend Patti.


Patti had a BIG HEART  

There was absolutely NO ONE she did not love.  And I mean that with every fiber of my being.  It did not matter what your status in life was, or who you were.  She loved you.  She never judged anyone by the situation they were in or decisions they had made (good or bad); she just loved you.


Patti knew the POWER OF LOVE

Her father died when she was six and her mother wasn’t very present in her life.  Patti told us once that she never heard the words “I love you” until she was an adult.  I think that might be why she loved so deeply.  She knew firsthand the power of love.


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Patti loved ADVENTURE

She was an incredibly adventurous lady!  We called her an “old hippie” (she really was!!) and she was absolutely game for anything, even spur of the moment.  And I loved that about her.  If there was a friend in need, she would jump in her car and drive to them.  It didn’t matter if it was hundreds of miles away.  If you called and wanted to go kayaking, she was immediately game!  It didn’t matter the adventure; she was all in for it!


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She had friends all over the world.   And I mean that with all seriousness.  She impacted lives far and wide.  When you were Patti’s friend you were guaranteed a friend for life.



She truly knew the struggles of the heart of all mankind and there was no one she didn’t remember in prayer.  She cherished the time she spent praying.


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She never went anywhere without her sweet dog. (He survived the car accident and after some trauma, he is now doing well with Patti’s husband Keith!)  Her daughter and son in law have goats and sheep and Patti loved the babies; she would stay up all night caring for a little lamb or kid in need.  I had a text from her daughter yesterday and she was telling me about a Ewe sheep that is sick right now and she said, “What’s hard is that if Mom was alive she would be here sleeping in the barn and never letting this Ewe out of her sight”.  And Patti would’ve; that was how she was.


Patti was FUNNY

I was one of the lucky ones that lived 20 minutes from her.  So I saw her twice a week on average.  Her joyous laughter was a constant in my life.  We could laugh until our sides hurt.  It’s not often that you find someone that you can laugh with to that degree!  She could laugh at herself like not one I’ve ever known before!  The stories we all share of her funny experiences are ones that I cherish so much.


Patti was an ENCOURAGER

It didn’t matter if everything was falling apart, she had the right words to encourage.  My daughter told me that she plans to write down all the texts that Patti sent her… they were always encouraging, always loving, always cheerful.



Patti was a CHILD AT HEART

She didn’t have grand-children yet and she loved mine as if they were hers too.  Often when she was driving by my daughters house on the way to see her daughter, she would stop and see the girls.  It was not uncommon for her to jump in the pool with them in all her clothes! They considered her their best friend; and she was.


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I miss her.  Every day in the 10 days that she has been gone, I’ve picked up my phone to call her to tell her something funny or to see what she’s doing.  And then I remember she is gone.  And I want to call her and tell her how desperately I miss her.  And that I don’t think I’ll ever be the same without her.  But then I hear her saying to me; “Dori, you will be fine.  Trust me.”  And I do.


Thank you friends, for always listening to the thoughts in my heart!


Until our gravel roads cross again… so long.


  1. Dear Dori I’m so very sorry for the loss of your friend! What a beautiful person she sounds like! It inspires greater things in us, doesn’t it! It’s so hard.. I know quite well! Such precious memories.
    Big hugs your way!❤️

  2. Sabrena Orr says:

    I am so sorry for the loss of Patti. What a lovely soul she was. The saying is true that tomorrow is not promised; it sounds like Patti lived each day to the fullest. I’m so sorry.

  3. Ramona Puckett says:

    Oh my goodness!! I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your friend with us, Patti is an inspiration for all of us to be a better person, friend and momma. Surrounding all of y’all with love and peace.

  4. Diann says:

    Ya know what is truly remarkable? The legacy of love she instilled in all of you. The example of her life lives on in all that she touched. That, I believe, is what living a life to the fullest is all about. How blessed you have been and will be because of her. “It will be fine.”

  5. Jeanne Ballestero says:

    So sorry for your loss. Cherish all these beautiful memories

  6. Kathleen Skilling says:

    Dear Dori,
    Thank you for sharing the gift of your friend Patti❤️ What a beautiful person she was, who continues to touch lives by your sharing of hers.
    Wishing you comfort and eventually peace in your memories of Patti.

  7. Kim Rice says:

    I’m so very sorry for your families loss of Patti. And all her family and friends far and wide. Sudden tragedy is the hardest I believe. No time to prepare, no last words. Patti’s spirit and friendship will be treasured for many many years to come. Her life is one to be celebrated!! Hugs to all,

  8. Rhonda Cavaliere says:

    So sorry for your loss. Patti sounds like an incredible person. She sounds like a great friend.

  9. Mary Frances Rauch says:

    Thank you Dori for sharing your very personal story of this blessed friendship. This is one of those “forever gifts” that all of us are not fortunate enough to experience.
    I plan to keep this post so I can go back and read it later (and maybe forever). I plan to think of Patti as “A great friend I never met.”
    So generous of you to send this.

  10. Lori Fresina says:

    Thank you for telling us about Patti!!

  11. Marlene says:

    You’re blessed to have had her in your life for as long as you did. May she be at peace.

  12. Judy says:

    Oh Dori,
    I’m saddened to hear this kind of news.
    Hang on tight to all those wonderful
    memories, the laughter and the fun.
    She would like that as a Tribute to her,
    I think. I read a quote awhile back
    that’s fitting for this moment.
    ‘God gave us memories that we might
    have roses in December!’
    True isn’t it?
    You’re in my heart and my Prayers

  13. Cyndie Gray says:

    Keeping you close in heart as you navigate a loss such as this one ♥️

  14. Tammy L Thomson says:

    The bigger the blessing someone is, the harder it is to loose them. What a wonderful , gracious and giving soul was your dear friend Patti. I am so sorry…..

  15. Sharon says:

    Will pray for you as you grieve this loss; it is evident that her absence leaves a huge hole in your life.

  16. Carol says:

    Dori … I am so sorry for your loss of such a cherished friend. Just remember how lucky you are to have a friend like Patti. She’s gonna leave a hole in your heart but what a great example she was to all who knew her. God Bless you as you learn to move forward with Patti in your life. I’m sure there will be many, many times in the future that you will giggle over something wonderful the two of you shared. Hugs, Carol

  17. Marie says:

    I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Patti with us. It’s a beautiful tribute to your dear friend.


  18. Gael Orr says:

    Thank you for sharing the beauty of your dear friend and for your vulnerability. C.S. Lewis said, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I hope his words offer you comfort, as they have always comforted me. I wish you the very best in your journey.

    Gael Orr
    Once Again Nut Butter

  19. Dianna says:

    Deepest love and prayers of comfort for you and her family and friends! Grief isn’t for the faint of heart for sure. Its deep, cutting and can even be debilitating. She sounds like an angel on earth. Her memories will live in the lives shes touched forever There! There IS consultation knowing you will see her again. Promises from the Father. Hugs and love from Al.

  20. Mary L Stayner says:

    Dear Dori,
    I am so sad for you! I, too, have lost a dear friend that has left a huge hole in my heart. My mother ~ although she has been gone now for over 16 years, I still want to call her every night as I did for years. No one has her old land line number, so sometimes I call and talk to her phone. I know it sounds sort of silly…but find a way…I also talk to her through my prayers and occasionally, I talk out loud to her as I am walking, etc. We want to hold on to our loved ones. But, we also know that one day we will see them again.
    May our Lord hold you in the palm of His hands and wrap you in His loving arms of comfort. Take care and God bless you!
    Love and hugs,

  21. Dori, you’ve given me hope with some of my friends. And Patti is a true inspiration to me and should be to many. To have a friend like that has to have been remarkable. I have a friend, who for what ever reason cut me off a couple years ago and hurt me terribly. There’s hardly a day that goes by that I sit and wonder why. Cherish all those fabulous memories. A friend like that is one in a million. We need to all take a page of learn From her beautiful life. I pray for strength for you, her family and the most fondest of memories to get through it all. ❤️

  22. Charles Delcambre says:

    Dori, I’m with you. Beautiful post. I want to be Patti to the world. Lord help me, and ease Dori’s grief with your comfort!

  23. Rebecca Henry says:

    Patti sounds like an amazing person, and this is a beautiful tribute to her. I’m so sorry you lost your friend. ❤️

  24. Monica Smith says:

    Grief is love with no where to go. You gave your grief a place to land…in memories and photos and in the lives of people you will never know….like me. Everybody needs a Patty. May her soul fill your heart until you meet again.

  25. Mrs.O says:

    So sorry for your loss. Your friend seemed a genuine, loving person.. Where is her husband?

    • Dori Troutman says:

      Thank you! Patti’s husband is here… alone in their sweet barn house on the lake. But their daughter and her husband live close and they are spending all the necessary time with him! He is well-loved!!!

  26. Deanna Taylor says:

    Dori, what a loss a good friend can be. She was a beautiful person and was such a huge part of your life so losing her is very painful. Just remember, she will always be a part of your life..that will never change. I lost my best friend of 52 years almost 12 years ago and I still long for her. Then I think “What would my life had been like without her” and I am thankful. God Bless as you go through this dark valley.

  27. Darlene Ricotta says:

    My prayers go with you and Patti’s family! She was a real treasure!

  28. Patti sounds like my grandson, Todd, who was killed in an automobile accident 1 1/2 yrars ago. He was 27. My sister, Lisa, died the same way at the age of 27 in 1982. Patti also sounds as if she, like Todd and Lisa, like them, had the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). They were dearly loved by all who knew them and they loved in return. For me, the grief is so hard to bear and it’s never ending. My heart hurt so much I didn’t want it to beat again and overwhelming saddness is always just a breath away. But comfort lies in knowing who they were and how happy I’ll be when I see them again. And I know ”
    the Rose Still Grows Beyond the Wall”.

  29. Michelle Reid says:

    ~Sending much love and prayers~What a Beautiful tribute you have written~thank you for sharing Patti with us~

  30. Susanne says:

    Beautiful Tribute to your friend! So Sorry.

  31. LINDA B. LOVE says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss of a dear friend. I experienced this loss August 10th when my friend Margaret passed away suddenly. She was always ready to have fun together and do things for me unselfishly like bringing me various items from Trader Joe’s because there was none close to me. We traveled together to quilt shops looking for that special piece of fabric, to quilt shows, and to the beach in Galveston to spend a week making quilts for veterans to eventually present them. She was always ready to help and be a dear friend. I’ll always miss her. I know I’ll see her again because she loved our lord Jesus and was faithful to him.

  32. Valerie Sijan says:

    Dear Dori,
    I too have known this pain recently and empathize what you are going through!
    I lost my best friend, ex partner, and touchstone a few months ago after he endured throat cancer for many months. Death seemed to be merciful in that case, but the pain of his loss was no less.
    I imagine losing someone so quickly the way you did is even more traumatic.
    One thing we can be sure of though, is that love never dies! We will all be together again somewhere in Time.
    Energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed.
    Our loved ones live on in a frequency beyond our sensory range in the human body.
    You have wonderful memories of a splendid friendship!
    Blessings to you, and may the shock and pain you are feeling now pass quickly.
    Sending you Love and Light,✨✨✨✨✨✨

  33. So sad. Sorry to hear. We need the good ones!

  34. Tina says:

    I lost my dear friend, Cindi, 6 years ago, to cancer. I’ve never laughed with anyone else like we did, all the time. This morning I poured my coffee into my fancy mug I bought to remember her- she loved classy and pretty coffee cups. I sat down to read your email and your story about Patti made me immediately think about Cindi.
    I understand your loss is deep and you’ll always miss her, but what a treasure to have had her in all your lives!!

  35. Treese says:

    Dori know that Patti may have left this earthly plane but she will never leave you. I lost my best friend 3 years ago on my birthday. I was running a race across Mackinac Island. I placed better that day than I ever have in a race. After the race my friend called to tell me Chip had passed away (she wouldn’t tell me before the race). I realized Chip’s spirit was running the race with me. Pushing me along and encouraging me. I know he is with me everyday and I will see him again on the other side.
    I pray that your heart will heal and you will be left with happy and joyous thoughts of Patti.

  36. Marla Hanna says:

    Sending you light and love during this difficult time. I do relate and appreciate your post. It reminds me that we are not alone in the sad times too. Peace and comfort.

  37. Linda says:

    I’m so sorry!! I know I fill your pain, lost my best friend of 40 yrs!! It took me a yr. To recover!! Many hugs!!

  38. jonibee says:

    She has left her mark on a lot of hearts..Please accept my sincere sympathy. Reach out and touch somebody…

  39. Jeanie says:

    I am so sorry that your precious friend is gone. This is a beautiful and thought provoking tribute to her life. You have been truly blessed to have had her in your life, and I’m sure your life is much better because of her influence. ❤️

  40. Magdalena Tabor says:

    First I want to express my very deepest condolences to you and to Patti’s family and friends. She sounds like she was an exceptional person with a pure spirit. I thank you for sharing in your grief.
    I lost my best friend several years ago. We were friends since age 12. I think of her almost every day. Even though we lived miles apart later in life, she was as close to me as ever. I know I will see her one day again. Much love to you. ❤️

  41. Beth Gowdy says:

    What a gem of a person! I feel for her husband and family and friends to have lost such a joy in your lives. How lucky you were to have had her in your life. I just lost a friend, Terry, and it was shocking and sad. He was the one who got us all together and made us laugh and sing and there was not another like him. Now he and your friend are in the arms of God who cares for them.

  42. Diane Parkhouse says:

    I am so very sorry . the sudden, unexpected loss of someone we love is the deepest pain a heart can feel … so final and there is nothing – nothing we can do to bring them back – almost more than the heart can bear. What a blessing to have shared your life with Dori.

  43. Victoria Barlow says:

    Dear Dori,

    My love and prayers goes out to you. I lost my best friend in a car accident 2 years ago. Although I have had to pick myself up and teach myself to carry on, her sweet memory still blesses me today. It maybe a long road for a little while, but remember there are those who care and share your feelings. The beautiful thing about sweet people like our friends is they bless in life or in death.

    Heaven bless you!

  44. Bonnie Ellis says:

    Dori, Such an incredible person most of us won’t see in a lifetime, yet you knew her. Loss is unmeasurable but the gift of knowing her will sustain you. God bless you.

  45. deb bulgrin says:

    I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Grief at any stage is hard, but when it is so suddenly i think that is the worst. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and thank you for sharing the story of this remarkable lady. She sounds like someone we all would have been lucky to call friend. Hugs to you!

  46. Dear Dori,

    Many, many blessing shower you and Patti! God knows and hears her laughter and sees your tears.
    Thank you so much for opening your heart to all of us in your time of sadness.

    There are many rainbows that you and Patti are still able to share…..softly, lovingly, now and till you meet again! All my love Karen

  47. May the Unfathomable Divine Mercy of Jesus be upon Pattis soul, and those of her family and friends in their grief ! She is still praying for all of you ! Sympathy and peace…

  48. Oh my heart breaks for you and for me again as the memories come flooding back of losing my dear friend in a car wreck a few years ago. It will get better. You will eventually think of her with more joy at having known her and less pain at having lost her. But when they are angels in this life, it takes a while. Keep your chin up and God Bless. You’ll meet again on the other side.

  49. Colleen says:

    Dear Dori,
    I am saddened by your hurting heart. What a beautiful tribute you have written. Clearly, Patti was blessed to have you as her friend. I hope, over time, you will share more about how friends love each other well. I’m sure I could learn ways to be a better friend myself, from your recollections. Already, I’m inspired. Thank you.

    “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm34:18

  50. Jimi Paderick says:

    A beautiful testimonial for a beautiful soul! Thank you for sharing.

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