You Have an Auntie Mame…

[Previous Rural Farmgirl, June 2010 – January 2012]

…I have an “Auntie Margaret.”

I’d like you to meet a friend – two friends, actually. When I first moved into this town, coming up on twelve years ago (my, how time flies!), I met Margaret. And just recently, I met Kate. I love these two gals individually, but I had no idea how they’d get along with each other – you know how it can be when friends of friends meet. They’re very different – Margaret is ninety years old; Kate is eight. Margaret is one tough old farmgirl; Kate has only been working on the land for about 4-5 years. Well, it turns out that these two are fast friends – not only that, but when they’re together, they’re a force to be reckoned with. Margaret is my farmgirl mentor, friend and “auntie.” Kate is my horse. C’mon over and say, “Hello!”…

I’d like you to meet Margaret first. Now, SHE is an original – I’ve not met anyone like her, ever, nor do I ever expect to. Margaret was raised in a wine family – meaning that they owned and ran a winery. She grew up in a lovely home right in San Francisco and in California’s wine country – always doing the unexpected, always turning heads and ALWAYS working with animals. Just so you can picture her, she’s about five feet tall, stocky with short gray hair, glasses and arm muscles that a twenty-year-old would envy; always wearing pants and either a T-shirt or a button-down men’s “camp” shirt; a watch with the face on the inside of her wrist (because she would “always break the #@$% glass on the front”), and a beautiful prized turquoise ring with a bear claw in it… that she bought from an indian… in the 1930’s.

When I first moved here to Elsinore, I met Margaret. My then-boyfriend (and now husband) hadn’t moved down here yet, and I was living by myself for a couple of weeks in a total disaster of a farmhouse. This old house hadn’t had any love and care in such a loooooong time. One of those first mornings, out of hunger and a healthy fear of disease from cooking on the stove that was here, I decided to go to breakfast at the local cafe (which is wonderful I might add). There, I met a very forceful, very short and very loud Margaret, who marched up to my table, introduced herself and then demanded to know if I was a “teetotaler.” When I was too startled to answer, she said, “Good, then. Come on over for a martini.” I have to confess, I was too nervous to take her up on the offer, and I put off going to her house for quite a while – weeks, actually. I’d never run across a person quite like her. But then simple curiosity got the better of me (and I kept thinking of that old saying about curiosity and the cat the whole time I walked down to her house) and I went over for a drink. My life has never been the same.

So, I arrived at Margaret and her farmgirl sister De’s house, and knocked on the door. Margaret yelled “COME IN!” from inside, and in I went. I sat down at the kitchen table, where De was sitting drinking coffee and chain smoking in her rhinestone-set horn-rimmed glasses, and was handed a bourbon and water “with lots of ice.” The drink of the house. Bourbon and ice, with just enough water to say that, yes, there IS water in it. I don’t like bourbon (truthfully, it tastes like dirt to me – not that I’ve eaten a lot of dirt to be able to compare, but you get the idea…) I’ll tell you, though, that afternoon I drank it like it was lemonade. I just couldn’t stop listening to Margaret’s stories. She was amazing. And that’s how it all started.

I asked her about herself and how she and De came to live in Elsinore, and boy, was I in for a treat. Margaret was raised with everything that a child could want – family (aunts, uncles, grandparents – the whole shebang), lovely clothes, “things,” vacations, pets and beautiful horses, riding lessons and the like. She had storybook-like Christmases with huge trees and fancy parties at home and summers in the family mountain retreat, fishing and hiking with the best of them. Famous musicians visited her home. She sang opera. It sounded like a storybook childhood.

This is the same woman who also had and used the first “modern” hay baler in Modoc county, California. She raised and showed prizewinning pigs. And dogs. And sheep. She attended CalState Berkeley for a while, and she was a Marine in WWII (and has a mouth like a sailor to prove it!). She was the Commanding Officer of our local American Legion post. She and De traveled around the country for SEVEN YEARS in an RV (she called it their “motorcoach”), she was the youngest person at the time (at age eight) to climb Mt. Lassen in California, and has climbed all the major peaks in the Tetons. Was there anything she didn’t do or hadn’t done? Well, yes, actually – she didn’t cook, clean or do laundry (well, not unless she HAD to). But she could build any fence, outbuilding or gate system that a farmgirl could want, she could fish any lake or stream, she could pull and back up a large trailer, and she could do it alone. We know Margaret so well by now that we just call her, “Auntie Margaret.” My two little boys haven’t known life without her.

In addition to having her very own way of relating to life, Margaret has a certain je ne sais quoi when it comes to addressing emotions, as well. Take, for example, two times that happened in the past week or so.

  1. There was some turmoil in our household, nothing big, just a little discontent, and I must’ve shown it when I went to visit Margaret, because she greeted me at her door with, “What the HELL is wrong with YOU?” And when I responded with, “Oh – just a little inner stress,” she said, “Well, you’ve got a place to live and food to eat – the rest you can figure out as you go. Besides, really, you can take care of whatever it is.” Now, really, what can you say to that?!?
  2. The second time was when she and I both teared up at talk of the future, and she was able to pull herself up “by the bootstraps,” stop the tears, look me in the eye and say, “@!#$%&* allergies; always make my eyes water,” and change the subject with a wave of her hand – to keep us BOTH from falling apart. Her version of grace. It works.

How does my horse figure into this equation? About a month ago, “Kountry Kate” (why, oh, WHY do people spell like that?!?!?!) came to live with us. She is a gorgeous, eight-year-old Paint. I am fully in love. Utterly. Completely. I feel about Kate much like I do about my cow, Evelynn, except in a “horsey” way instead of a “cowey” way. She came to us through a rescue program, and we are SOOoooooo glad to have her. She’s spunky, and not flawlessly trained, so my husband and I are the only ones who ride her right now. We’re hoping that William (he’s seven) will grow into her. Right now, he rides “Doc,” our good ol’ horse, given to William by one of his cowboy friends on his fifth birthday. Doc is about twenty-eight years old and just perfect. We love Doc – and he takes care of Will. They make such a wonderful team – just like a sort of “Norman Rockwell”-horse-and-boy thing… but… back to Kate. We’ve been borrowing a Western saddle for her, and she’s doing really well. More on her later…

Over the past few weeks, Margaret has been showing me her old photo albums and photographs. They are absolutely stunning. Her family was so handsome and did so many interesting things. And the clothing! Absolutely gorgeous – can you imagine women hiking to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, accompanied by about a hundred burros toting supplies, in long, white skirts holding parasols? Let me tell you. It’s true. I’ve seen the photographs to prove it. Some of the photos, however, show Margaret with the happiest face and brightest eyes – and those are the animal photos – specifically, the horse photos. Margaret was a very accomplished rider in her day – and I never really knew this until I saw some of these pictures. There she is, smartly dressed in English riding style, jumping her beautiful horse over the highest jumps – she was saying that most of them were four-feet-six-inches high – in such a relaxed and comfortable way. She rode hunter-jumper courses for years. She looked at home. Truly at home.

When Kate first came to our farm, Margaret walked out to the corral and looked at her, but didn’t really make any “big deal” out of it. She didn’t seem that interested. After seeing these photographs, however, I couldn’t help but press the issue a little bit with her. I started asking her if she liked Kate. The answer? “I suppose she’ll do.” After a few days of this sort of thing, I sprung the idea on her with a casual, “Margaret? Would you give me riding lessons?” The answer this time? “Will you just do what I say, no questions asked?” I said that I certainly would, and we had a deal. I was really excited – and a little bit (okay, a BIG bit) nervous. Margaret can be very direct in her criticism. I’ll leave it at that.

A couple of weeks ago was our first lesson. That evening, Margaret and I took Kate out to the corral. Margaret said that I would ride bareback, and bareback I did ride, indeed. She made sure I had the correct posture from head to toe, and then stood in the center of the corral. I think it was then that she made the transformation. The tough and loud Margaret that I had known for over ten years changed into a genuine teacher – a person who truly wanted me to understand the horse and the horse to understand me. No loud voice; no quick movements; no immediate criticism. Margaret had become who I believe she truly is. She had this very real, calm “presence” that only shows through in people who are right where they are “supposed” to be. After twelve years, Margaret was showing me a part of her that I had never seen before. Her confidence was actually visible – no need for her to defend her actions to anyone – she knew exactly what she was doing. It was within the bubble of her confidence that I started to feel comfortable within myself on Kate. I could have ridden with her teaching me for days…but my body? Not so much so. After that half-hour, my legs were burning, my smile was almost stuck and I could have just hugged Margaret. I didn’t. I held her hand and gave it a squeeze. She squeezed back; it must have been okay. We’ve been riding together almost daily since then. These photos are from yesterday morning’s lesson.

So, thank you, “Auntie” Margaret, for the friendship, the “familyship,” the riding lessons… for all of the lessons you’ve taught, and continue to teach, to me and mine. We love you, and our lives are truly richer and better because we know you. Thank heaven for family. And… it even looks like Kate is trying to blow you a kiss…


So, this last Saturday (August 7) I went up to the “big city” and bought myself and my little one approved, real riding helmets. We’re wearing them each and every time we ride now (and Margaret gives me grief each and every time, too – with the admonition “back when *I* rode…). THANK YOU for reminding me that there’s really NO good reason not to be as safe as we can. Even if you ride “western.” Even if you ride on “soft” dirt. EVEN IF your Auntie Margaret gives you a hard time. You gals are awesome. I read and love every comment, and some even change what I do! You all are WONDERFUL!!!

  1. Hannah says:

    What a wonderful story!
    Thank you for sharing! It has put a giant smile on my face!


  2. JESSICA says:

    Your soooo lucky to have a special person like Margaret in your life!!!! And to hear first-hand all that history of a long life being lived! Awesome for your boys too. Most of us just get to read about these things when our grandparents etc have already passsed years ago! Enjoy!

  3. What a lovely story; I hung on every word. I had an old friend once similar to Margaret. His name was Ariel, and he lived next door to us for the five years we lived in Idaho. I learned alot from him despite his initial crusty manner- how to cut and piece a quilt, how and what to garden in the Bear Lake Valley, and how to “make do” in a remote town.

    I hope you’ll share more of your friendship with Margaret … and Kate, too. Good luck on the riding lessons. I’ve never ridden bareback, but do prefer Western to English. Good on you!

    Cathy K
    Murray, UT

  4. althea says:

    What a nice story, it brought tears to my eyes. I also have horses, so I understand the enjoyment you get from just being around them. Good luck with your riding lessons.

  5. Sandi says:

    You are truely blessed to have such a wonderful woman by your side. I can imagine everything you will learn from her. But you yourself are wonderful too. Enjoy the ride!

  6. Margaret Beck says:

    What a wonderful story. We should all be so fortunate to have someone like Margaret (and Kate) in our lives.

  7. Nora Donnell says:

    Loved the story. Reminded me of my "Aunt Ruth". She could do anything too and lived to be 94.

  8. meredith says:

    Hi! I loved your story about you and Margaret! One comment I will pass on, and only because as a farmgirl I know you have plenty of common sense- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE invest in an approved riding helmet and WEAR IT EVERY TIME you get on your horse! I have been a riding instructor (dressage specifically) most of my adult life and a competitive rider even longer- I never ride without one and I trust my animals as much as I can knowing they ARE animals and as such, can be unpredictable. A very famous dressage rider named Courtney King-Dye (who has ridden on our Olympic team) recently suffered a major head injury (Think COMA) riding her horse in the arena, at the WALK- he took a small stumble and off she went- she very nearly died- just an example of how easily it can happen. As a farmgirl you have many people counting on you and your well being- enjoy the daylights out of your horse and your lessons but PLEASE get and wear a helmet- the least expensive ones can be had for less tha $30- a small price to pay. Farmgirl hugs- Meredith

  9. Brenda says:

    You are blessed with the friendship of a woman that can show you a picure of the past but be there to help you now and in the furture. My mother is 80 and sometime when she talks about the past it is like reading a book you don’t want to put down. And of course the love a horse can be a blessing in itself we have eight horses that we love. They are more like pets now than anything but that is okay with us.

  10. Nancyname says:

    It is wonderful that you have a frame of reference that allows you to open your heart to people who are don’t get inside "the box" and that you share that experience to help all of us to do the same. I want to vote on your wearing a proper riding helmet every time you get on that beautiful paint! Think about head injury trauma for a few minutes and you will probably agree with us.

  11. Kat Morton says:

    I truly enjoy your posts. I totally agree with your thoughts on so many people counting on you! Enjoy.

    I also have a blog to share:

  12. Shery says:

    What a blessing…both ways!

  13. amelia says:

    do you mind sharing her? i want a margaret.

    and i love you for seeing past all the rough edges to such a quality person and friend! you rock!!

  14. Kate says:

    Another great story! I so look forward to your blogs!
    Keep them coming!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *