Love and Marriage

“Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage, Go Together Like a Horse and Carriage….” so sang Frank Sinatra.

I believe in love. I believe in marriage. I believe in horses. And I believe in carriages.

I also believe…that for the first time since I started this blog…..I am too tired to spin a yarn. One of my favorite things to do is to come here every other Monday to share with you guys the things that are happenin’ in my corner of the world. Oh, and I have so much to tell this Monday.

But I’m tired. This Monday morning, lawzie me, am I ever tired! Here’s why. It all started at 4 o’clock on Friday afternoon.

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  1. Marcia says:

    When my one and only daughter was married two years ago, an important comment/rule I shared was to always think before you say something in anger. Think about how it would feel if she were the one receiving the words in anger and usually it will temper what is said. We say things when angry and ususally it is regretted the moment it reaches the spouses ear.

  2. janie edwards says:

    In two weeks my dh and I have been together for 31 years. What we have discovered over the years can be condensed into two statements. Look forward never back. Meaning that you don’t bring up anything in the past that was a mistake or wrong or hurtful. Start every day anew with the love shared between you. And the second item – THINGS are never more important that people.
    I wish them all the best for a wonderful lifetime together.
    farmgirl #390

  3. Tamara says:

    Give 100% and accept 50% in return.

  4. Cathy says:

    We’ve been married 22 years now and my husband is so patient as he married a somewhat spoiled girl. One thing I learned was that if I did something hurtful, own up to it and take the responsibility for it and ask forgiveness. It’s not being weak to say you’re sorry. Don’t play the ‘blame game’. We’re in charge of our own actions. That’s probably been the first and foremost important success in our marriage.
    I wish them the very best.
    P S I wish you’d sent a picture of the silver shoes, ha!

  5. jeannie maximovich says:

    Marriage is not 50/50. Most of the time it is 90/10. Some times you are on the good side-sometimes the other–but you give and do things because the other person is who completes "you". Also-NEVER-NEVER-NEVER go to bed angry–even if you just agree to disagree–deal with it before getting in that bed. Leave little love notes in strange places—even if he doesn’t do it ( it’s kind of a chick thing)–he will appreciate it 🙂
    And, last, but not least, thank God EVERY day for your spouse !!!! Good luck & much love, jeannie max

  6. Amy says:

    I think the best advice for life comes from the Bible. In regards to any relationship I think
    following Philippians 2:3-4 will take you a long way. "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility let each of you esteem others better than yourself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

  7. kay says:

    After nearly 36 years…laugh ♥ ♥ ♥

  8. Sheri says:

    Stick with it. Every relationship has ups and downs. Enjoy the ups and get through the downs. Just remember the promise of forever. Stick with it. It’s worked for me!

  9. Jane says:

    My comment that when you are mad realize that it’s really about you. Everyone is a mirror to us . When were angry with our spouse it’s our issue- not theres. We need to respond and not react. One thing that has helped me a great deal is an inharmony list. I write down 15 things I don’t like about my husband/ or person I’m mad at and then study those things. How do they reflect on me? Is it really important? Our spouses come to us for a reason We need to respect this and practice gratitude – even when were mad (I’ve been married 15 years and have 4 kids and there are plenty of times things are less then"perfect") It’s better to be kind then to be right.

  10. carol branum says:

    HiRebecca,I failed at love,so I can,t help you with that,but,I am very concerned about this loosing of your keys.This is a very big serious deal.I lost mine last year.Well, these new cars,new keys are not cheap,I couldn,t find my other I had to call someone 100 miles away,ended up costing me 200 dollors.It was a nightmare.He did the job wrong,and I had to call him back the next day.So,he had to travel again,then he wanted 65 dollors for a second key,What a mess!It is because of the computer chip,and in these small farming towns nobody has had the training on them,and since I had lost the original keys,and had no keys at all,the entire car had to be reprogramed.I was just sick,and never did find the old keys,even if I had of,they were junk now.I learned my lesson.Not only that Rebecca,it is dangerous when your out running.Be careful!Wish I could help you with the love stuff,but,I need someone to help me with the love stuff.Ionly wish,I never would of signed divorce papers,I would have refused to sign,if I had known how lonely I would be divorced,Everyone thinks everyone elses grass is greener,its not.If your married,I sugest staying that way,and seeking counseling.Even if things are awful,it can be saved with work and forgiveness.People don,t work at marriage like our parents did.They need to work at it,and be comitted to agree to work on it constantly.Have a great day,blessed be.Carol Branum,Lamar

  11. Carol in NC says:

    My dh and I have been married for 26 mostly easy years and the one thing we’ve done that has really worked for us is to be conscious of this main rule: ‘Never go for the jugular’. In other words, don’t say something that you know will really hurt and you can’t take back. This works and keeps you from going too far during a fleeting angry moment. You know deep down what those hurtful things are and can stop yourself before they’re said.

  12. Heather Hansen says:

    I am still single. I have never been married. It’s been really nice to read everyone’s comments 🙂 🙂 🙂 This is all being tucked away for future information 🙂 🙂
    I have never lost car keys, thank goodness. I have almost lost my cell phone a couple times. That was pretty scary. Thank goodness for honest Good Samaritans 🙂 🙂

  13. Jada says:

    What a beautiful wedding. It looks like the kind we all dream about. I’m not married either, so I don’t have any personal advice. But I look around me alot and pay attention to the couples and friends who are married. My advice is don’t take each other for granted.

  14. Reba says:

    Do a budget together! It will cause you to focus on your dreams together. And you will be so totally amazed at what is important to each other. Then you can be supportive of doing the things that each of you enjoy. This will teach you both a little give and take, and mature the relationship into oneness very quickly. And contrary to popular beliefs, it can be exciting seeing the fruit of your labor on paper and give you peace. It will build both security and self-esteem in each of you working together as you build your future.

  15. sue says:

    The thing I tell my boys about relationships and love is this.Never try to fix the person that you are with, if you don’t like them the way they are,no amount of "fixing" is going to work. Respect one another. Always! Learn to fight fair and to agree to disagree. There isn’t any THING worth another person’s affection. And last but not least take time every day to say "I love and appreciate you." to your spouse. I have been married for 20 years now and some of these were hard lessons learned but they have served us well.

  16. valerie says:

    Marriages are not made in heaven, but love might be. They are made every day that you bite your tongue and take responsibility for your actions.

    After 20 years, I also think that kindness is one of the most important traits in a mate and humor is a necessity.

    And lastly, you can be right, or you can be happy. Choose happiness with someone you love. It is always better than being right and being alone.

    Good luck to them, it sounds like they are a very solid couple. Thanks for sharing!

  17. Debbie says:

    What a whirl wind weekend you had! Love those pink sparkling shoes! Reminds me of a nice glass of pink champagne! Hmmmm? Advice for the young married couple eh? If I wast to advise a young couple I would tell them to always try and be patient with each other. I have learned so much from my husband about being patient. We don’t go into a marriage perfect but together we can accomplish amazing things in an ordinary day. Also, save the dramatics for the theatre and leave them out of your misunderstandings. You’ll resolve things a lot faster and you can get back to being a loving couple. Laughter! I’m convinced a sense of humor is what saves most marriages in the end.
    Dandelion Wishes and happy first sugar snap peas!

  18. Debbie Shue says:

    Keep your sense of humor and NEVER go to bed mad at each other! Been married 30+ years…has worked for us.

  19. mckee cox says:

    Ok two things first, when I saw those sparkly pink shoes my first thought was barbie and the shoes she wears! I had shoes just like that for my barbies! And second, I cried when I read about them and thier home and their dogs, and him being burned! Thats so sad! I would tell them that they need to build a strong foundation of trust and communication. That is the most important, and that as long as they have God in their marriage that they can make it through anything!

  20. Mason says:

    I really have to leave a comment on this one! It’s one of my pet peeves! Marriage works when both people commit to it. Putting the needs of the couple in front of the needs of the individuals. It’s harder to do than it sounds. Their wedding is beautiful and the story about the house and dogs brought a tear to my eye. Good luck and much happiness to them!

  21. Don’t get too busy to make time for intimacy. You will both feel loved and loving and everything in life will go more smoothly.

  22. Stephenie says:

    Make your spouse your best friend. Share everything with him and listen to everything he has to say, even if it’s not interesting to you. The sharing binds you together and helps you understand each other.

  23. Amy says:

    I was at a wedding not too long ago where the "ticket" for the dinner at the reception was a piece of advice written on a pretty piece of scrapbook paper. My man wrote down what I thought was amazing advice – "Ask before you take the last piece of pizza." Or as I read it, love your partner and think of his or her needs/ wants/ desires as much as your own. The subtext also read don’t always be too serious. Laugh often.

  24. Dot says:

    All I can say is this: stick with it. I once heard someone say their secret to being married so long is that neither fell out of love at the same time. There are ups and downs. I think another person already said that too. Just stick with it. Through thick and thin.

  25. Deanna says:

    My sweet husband and I have been married 38 years in June. His grandfather gave him this advise when we were married. "Don’t forget how to laugh together." His words have stood the test of time.

  26. Terrye Lenzini says:

    We just had our 34th wedding anniversary and I guess the secret to our long years is that we are still best friends. Is is not that we are not irritated with each other many times or that we do not treat each other the way that we always should, however when you’re best friends, you always forgive each other and that is the most important thing and that we love each other unconditionally.

  27. Abi says:

    Think of marriage as the beginning and not the final destination! I once read an article with insights on why marriages don’t last today like they used to, and this made so much sense! Lots of couples think of getting married as the end goal of a relationship instead of the beginning.

    I must tell you I’ve never been married before. If I didn’t add that I’d feel like a fraud! I do believe that perspective can really effect a relationship for the better or worse, so that is my humble, unmarried opinion.

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Spring Broke

Is it possible for me to love a picture any more than I love this one? I really don’t think so. I took it when my daughter blew a triple bubble. I didn’t have my reading glasses. And when I downloaded the photos this morning, I couldn’t believe it.

There’s my magical farm reflected in the bubble….

And so I sang, “….wohoho, it’s magic, you know….never believe it’s not so…”

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  1. Cathy says:

    Thanks REBEKAH,
    I so enjoy the way you write on the blog and in MaryJanes magazine. It’s magical! What a delightful time on your farm through the eyes of your nine year old! We need to be reminded often that life is MAGICAL whether good, bad or ugly! My hubby and I have lived on our own hill in Idaho for 6 years. It’s not really a farm but close. My favorite things include swinging in the porch swing, walking in the woods for treasures, growig a garden and just basking in the glory GOD has lavished on us! OH yes, delight in bubbles and buying a kite the next time I’m in town! Thanks again for a wonderful taste of magical! Cathy in Idaho

  2. Debbie says:

    Hi Rebekah!
    I’m so glad the " magic" found you again…It’s not always easy being a " blue sky" thinker when snakes lerk at the water hole, and money sucking projects appear from every corner of your " dream home, farm, cottage" etc…
    We have felt less than magical at our summer cottage at times, but somethimg always happens and quickly to change our way of thinking…Recently we lost my father in law of 88 years… The day after the service we decided to go to our magical place( our summer cottage) for some solice and restoration. Things were all magic when we arrived except for the fact that Dad wasn’t with us(or so we thought).
    As we walked the beach ( the same one we have been walking together for 20 plus years) we talked as we walked along the waters edge, watched our dog play, and our daughter and a friend run on the beach…As we approached a favorite early morning fishing spot of my husbands I noticed tiny shells poking out of the mud… I am familiar with clam beds but hadn’t seen them in this area before…looking closer we discovered they were tiny Angel Wing shells, standing on end in the mud with just the tips poking out…but there was one off to the side fully exposed. A whole Angel Wing shell! …We both agreed that Dad must have gotten his angel wings that day! We knew he would!

    Yeah, the taxes are too high, the cottage is small and the shower is outside and solar! But it’s all we really need and we love it more than any place in the world.

    Keep up the wonderful " magical" thinking and writing…I always look so forward to it! If you’re up for a stroll on the beach, roll up your pants, kick off your shoes and come one over to Dandelion House~

  3. Mckee Cox says:

    I know what you mean when you say that is where your heart is, I grew in Madison County, on a mountain farm on the TN state line very close to hot springs, NC. I now live in the city, and when ever I get home sick or need to get away, I get in the car and drive to that mountain farm, it is no longer mine, but just looking at it, and riding, and smelling the fresh air, takes me home, where my heart is, and I always feel better and magical in that place!

  4. Nancy J says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I so enjoy reading these blogs…I was born & raised in a very large city, but I am a true Farmgirl in my heart. And even though I know I am blessed to live so close to the Atlantic Ocean(bout 5 miles), I will always dream of having my own old farm house filled with my grandbabies, children & animals. I am truly happy… Then today I read this phrase that says it all…"Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect… It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections."

  5. carol branum says:

    HiRebecca,I want to thank you for being so positive.I get negative about my farm project sometimes,and its so hard for me to stay positive.I have so much work to do,that it seems overwhelming at times.Did you know,that If I put on a metal roof,instead of regular singles,my personal property taxes will go up to a higher bracket?I am learning lots of intresting new facts.All worth it,The new spring sprouts,and new shoots coming up,all makes the work worth it,and yes,that makes it truely magical.Daddy and I are going to try to go mushroom hunting this week.Last week we sold scrap iron.There is always so much work to do.Thanks again for helping me stay positive.Blessed be,Carol Branum,Lamar Mo.

  6. Shery Jespersen says:

    Dear Rebekah, I for one would love to see photos of your magical sounding cottage. The countryside is like a storybook…and I bet the house is too. I hope you’ll take some pics of your cozy country home and share them with us. Thanks for the ‘virtual’ and magical farmgirl getaway.
    shery jespersen

  7. Gina says:

    I feel so good to come when I come here. What a wonderful post! You didn’t need glasses afterall. The pictures are beautiful. Or a potty either! See there?

  8. Brenda says:

    Wonderful post. I had tears in my eyes the last paragraph. Who would have known a quote on a tea bag would bring tears. Of coarse without the story leading up to it I would probably just said aww. I hope you have many, many more wonderful excursions at your farm.

  9. Hi Rebekah – and all the fellow farm gals here on Mary Jane’s Farm. I first discovered the magazine a couple of years ago when my husband and I bought, and moved into, a 100 year old plantation home in the "country". I’ve just discovered the chat/blog section of the website and this is the first post I’ve read. I wanted you to know how much it "hit home" with me. Lately, I too find myself reaching that "too tired to be appreciative" point. After all, I bought an old farm house that had been neglected for many years and immediately began hatching and raising chickens, ducks, peacocks, geese and guineas. Followed quickly by goats, sheep and six livestock guard dogs. I’m attempting to raise our own food totally organic. While we plan to open soon to the public for weekend farm tours, we are constantly escorting around all those who stop and ask to see the place and tell us that it "called to them" from the road. During our two years here we have also been trying to restore the exterior’s rotted wood and porches but for every board they pull off there are at least two more behind it, also rotten. It has been a daunting task.

    I have started a website for our farm and am attempting to start a blog. Blogging will be one more thing added to the long list of things I fomerly had no idea how to do.

    I want to thank you for this particular story. I especially loved the tea bag quote. It brought tears to my eyes as well because I too know that this is "home" and that someday, God willing, it will be a restored, grand old dame, surround by our animals and filled with friends, children, grandchildren and visitors.

    I hope to join the Mary Jane Sisterhood and stay in touch with everyone. I need all the inspiration I can get.


  10. Debby Carrico says:

    I love the photos you enclose with your blog. I grew up on a farm near New Petersburg, Ohio and some of the pictures you present, I grew up with. The bubble picture ought to win an award. Beautiful. My eyes are going too, as I wear trifocals now. I’m hoping to go before my eyes do. Have a great day!

  11. Tom says:

    great post as usual!

  12. Lily says:

    Just found these farmgirl blogs and have to say that I love ’em! 

  13. Niya says:

    Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to comment! I love your writing!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

  14. countrynmore says:

    Great blog. I found you through MaryJane Farm. Love the triple bubble and the reflection shot of the farm.

  15. rebekah says:

    Hi Colten! I’m glad you like it! Yes, I took the picture and no, it’s not in the public domain. But I really don’t mind if you use it as long as you attribute it to me, send me a link, and don’t sell it or anything like that. Thanks!

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